A couple of months ago, my brother-in-law and I thought it would be a fun treat to take my daughter to the local Baskin-Robbins/Dunkin Donuts for some ice-cream. There’s a gentleman working there who has endeared himself in recent years by having a long braided red beard which dangles precariously close to the ice cream when he’s scooping our Jamoca Almond Fudge. We were excited to see him again, if only for the masochistic thrill of hoping that the beard might gently grope the frozen desserts in a collision of NASCAR level spectacle.
Unfortunately, he was not there this particular evening.
Instead we were treated to something akin to a Breaking Bad live-action role play while we waited our turn to peruse the famed 31 Flavors. First, there was this couple ahead of us, who were very friendly, but were clearly fans Sudafed related designer drugs. We watched, awestruck as they shouted the most incomprehensible and ill-timed selections at a poor counter girl. The girlfriend would ask for an array of donuts then quickly change her mind and ask for completely different ones, while the boyfriend would excitedly blurt “grilled cheese!” on occasion.
At first, this was amusing, but after about 10 minutes, it was getting old. To make matters worse, a couple of interesting looking young women burst into the store and just ignored the waiting queue altogether. There is a sculpture on the nearby UNM campus of a couple dancing that is seemingly made of melted plastic. These girls’ faces looked kind of like that. The first girl, had tire marks(!) on the back of her warmup pants and was rudely demanding the bathroom key from another counter girl who had been spending her time cramming as much ice cream as possible into a cardboard container. The second girl was blabbering her phone the entire time, negotiating some style of dubious pick up. Meanwhile “Grilled Cheese!” man was making sure the counter lady was aware that his item was done in the microwave.
My daughter said I was just standing there blinking furiously, which she says I do when I’m annoyed. Needless to say, patience prevailed as we did get our ice cream treats. My poor daughter was maniacally laughing in shock all the way home. Albuquerque, you are just so charming sometimes.
I don’t think this song is about that, but it could be.
Offending All The Passersby
Passing through the open air Hear you crystal clear Drinking your own sweet supply of Kool-Aid May we put it all to bed Sleeping dogs hit snooze Kubrick landed on the moon Airplanes draw perfume In the air Offending all the passersby With your wooly gaze Resting Bijan of low tide On your face May we give you all the room The big hand ticks in tune Kubrick landed on the moon Airplanes draw perfume In the air